The extreme desire to be alone.

Is it really that blasphemous?

Author in image. Photo by Bhavesh Chauhan.

I woke up alone — feeling a mystique so unmatched I don’t know what to compare it with,

the slowness of time, hitting me like a calm sea wave.

I light a rose incense and I try to remember the last time I woke up with someone, enveloped in the smell of someone else — and what that felt like.

I remember only a rush, a strange hurriedness to run towards emptiness.

Am I a misanthrope? A recluse? Or am I just addicted to my solitude? Is it a mix of everything?

When did I become this person, craving to be left alone? Can I pin point a moment, a day, a month or even a year?

I can’t.

Is it sinful? This paramount desire to be alone?

And then to actualize it?

Is it sheer blasphemy?

The rose incense burns away, almost entirely.

I have my answer.

I commit the unforgivable sin every day.